If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family
Stop reblogging my failure
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
It blows my mind that after all this time you’ve spent on earth, nobody ever bothered to tell you that your eyes aren’t fucking brown.
They are copper against honey and sage and when they water they glow, two perfect orbs the same shade as nature after it rains.
You’re not as simple as they wanted you to be.
I am drunk on my front porch and I think a lizard went into my shirt but whatever man have fun in there
when did I post this